1.NAMES : If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will affectionately call each other Laur, Lin, Liz and Barb. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Shit-Head and Baldy.
2.EATING OUT : When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom throw $20 in the centre of the table (even though the bill is only $47.50. None of them have anything smaller and none will admit they want change. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY : man will pay $3.00 for a $1.00 item he needs. woman will pay $1.00 for a $3.00 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS : man has five items in his bathroom: Toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar soap, and a towel from the Marriott. woman's bathroom has approx. 337 items. A man cannot identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS : woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS : Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE : woman worries about the future until she has a husband. man never worries about the future until he has a wife.
8. SUCCESS : A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE : A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP : Women dress up to take in the mail, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and go shopping. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL : Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING : Ah, kids! A woman knows all about her kids! She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some little people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY : Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering them.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of jack, asses, cows and pigs, the husband, to break the silence, asked jokingly, "Relatives of yours?"