Salesman A door to door salesman knocks on the door, a housewife opens the door but, before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps beef pantties all over the carpet. He says : " Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, i'll eat ever chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says: " You wan katchup on tat?" The salesman: "why do you ask?" She says: " I jus move in and haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
Blurkid A guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly , the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed a pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it and died. The son was so overcome with grief tat he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reaches into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said :" YOU IDIOT -- GET OFF MY Oxygen pipe !!!!!"
Who's the Most Fun to Operate On?
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded. The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers". The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why. The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".
Gloves and Panties
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves. He had the manager try them on. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up. When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it. The note read:Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift.The lady at store said they were perfect. I had her try them on for me. She looked more like a lady. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. Love, Bobby PS:The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing.
2 Canadian Guys
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"